


Give It a Spark

by imjustcryinginthecorner



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: AU where Baz isn't kidnapped and they get together way earlier, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Fluff and Angst, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Miscommunication, Secret Relationship, and they have to hide their relationship and Baz was there when his mom came back, but also lots of angst, its not quite smut tho, lol I almost accidently wrote smut, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-07-03 10:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15817053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imjustcryinginthecorner/pseuds/imjustcryinginthecorner
Summary: Baz and Simon's eighth year at Watford is going quite differently than others. Normally they avoid each other and hate each other and fight. As of mid-September, they kiss and cuddle and just talk, doing their best to be normal boys. But being normal boys is difficult when you're on opposite sides of a magickal war and have to hide your relationship from a whole school. Hiding your relationship, specifically from Penelope Bunce, is very difficult for Simon.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> So I wanted to write a cute funny secret relationship fic and then proceeded to write over 10k words of mostly angst so. Enjoy

PENNY

Simon and Baz are arguing again. They’re standing outside the dining hall, yelling at each other about last year when the merwolves attacked Simon. Baz has his wand out, and Simon is holding his sword, pointing it at his nemesis.

“You hate them, you hate me, so why not pit us against each other?” shouts Simon, waving his sword. Baz glares at him and takes a step back.

“You’re an idiot, Snow! I would never voluntarily get anywhere near those things, certainly not close enough to spell them after you,” Baz tells Simon. “If I were to make them go anywhere, it would be away from Watford. Need I remind you that they attacked right outside the room we share? I don’t want all of my belongings ruined by those bastards!”

I don’t think that Baz sent the merwolves, I think it was the Humdrum. Because it’s always the fucking Humdrum. The only creature Baz ever  _ really  _ sent after Simon was the chimera, and he ended up getting attacked as well, so he hasn't done anything of the sort since. But ever since third year, every time we get attacked by  _ anything,  _ Simon always suspects Baz, always insists it could be part of his plotting.

But recently, Simon has been acting strange around Baz. One day he’ll be completely ignoring him, not even complaining about him to me, the next something like this happens. Last week when I saw them together, walking down the quiet hall of Mummers House and talking as if there wasn’t a drop of bad blood between them. 

Now Simon looks really angry, his face going red and his eyebrows scrunching up. This is what he looks like when his magic is about to go off. But his edges aren't blurring, I can’t feel the harshness of his magic in the air. Not even a little bit. 

And yet there he goes, stomping up to Baz and pulling out his wand, as if he has any clue of what spell would be useful right now. But Baz mutters something under his breath and Simon stops, sways for a second, before his knees give out and he falls to the floor. Baz turns and walks away.

“This argument is pointless, I’m leaving,” says Baz, before disappearing around a corner.

I rush over to Simon, who is currently struggling to stand. Every time he gets to his feet, his knees tremble for a bit before he falls again. Eventually, I  get him up and we walk to our next class, with me supporting his weight each time he stumbles. We get there early, and sit on one of the wooden benches by the door. 

“So, what’s up with you and Baz?” I ask.

Simon’s head snaps toward me, and he gets defensive.

“What do you mean? There’s nothing up with me and Baz. Well, there’s always something up with  _ Baz _ , he’s plotting, and generally being evil, but that’s just how he is,” Simon huffs.

“Okay, yeah, but lately it seems like half the time you don’t mind him, and the other half is completely ridiculous, all this fighting? It’s been like that ever since you broke up with Agatha.” 

_ Oh. _

Ever since he broke up with Agatha.  
  


 SIMON

Oh, god, Penny knows.

She knows that Baz and I have been… Not doing what we normally do. What we normally do is avoid each other and hate each other and fight. But then two weeks ago, I found him in the Wavering Wood in the middle of the night. 

I had just wanted to clear my head, so I meandered through the trees, clutching my jacket around me against the freezing night air. When I spotted Baz, he was crying and drunk, I guess he got a Visiting or something (he still hasn’t really explained that). He just screamed at me and threatened to burn down the entire forest. 

I was so scared. I was scared for myself, yeah, but I was more scared for him. Because he’s a vampire, he’s flammable, and I  _ really don’t want him to die. _

This was news to me, actually. I always thought that I wouldn’t really mind if Baz got killed off somehow. Which sounds horrible, I know, but  _ I  _ didn’t want to kill him. I always thought I would have to one day, so if he was gone, things would just be easier, I guess.

But all of a sudden I really cared, and he kept shouting at me. He told me that it would be better for both of us if he didn’t feel this way. He said he would spell me away and then it would all be over for him.

And then I knew.

Baz was reaching for his wand with one hand, and lighting a fireball in the other. And I just ran towards him, praying that I wouldn’t be to late. I threw myself at him, and my lips smashed into his in a frantic hope that it would be enough. And it was.

His fireball went out, his wand dropped to the ground, and we went crashing down too, sprawling clumsily into a bush and holding on to each other like this was our only hope. I hadn’t planned it at all, hadn’t known that I wanted to kiss Baz until I was holding his cold face between my hands; savouring the feeling of his supple lips moving against mine. We stayed there on the forest floor, tangled up in each others’ arms, until he started crying again. I tried my best to comfort him, but he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. I wrapped him in my jumper and led him back to our room.

He didn’t want to tell me why he had been in the woods in the first place, and I was still afraid he might change his mind and set everything on fire, so I didn’t push it. Even now I’m not sure what exactly happened.

That night, and every night since, we shared a bed. I’ll curl around him, my arms pulling him towards me as we sleep.

So no, me and Baz aren’t doing what we normally do. Now we kiss and cuddle and just talk, and try to be normal boys. Now we pretend to hate each other for the world, because Baz says that we can’t just be normal boys, because of all our history. He says his family still thinks he hates me even though they know he’s gay. (I didn’t know he was gay. Though I suppose I should have guessed, considering…)

I know that the Mage wouldn’t want him to be my boyfriend. He always believed me when I told him Baz was evil. Agatha wouldn’t want Baz to be my boyfriend, because she was supposed to be my girlfriend. Or she wants to be with him. I’m not sure, because our ongoing love triangle has become infinitely more complicated, but in any case, she wouldn’t want me and Baz together. I broke up with her after I slept with him in my arms.

I’m pretty sure Penny doesn’t want Baz to be my boyfriend either. She was never convinced that he was completely evil, or the he was plotting, but that doesn’t mean she likes him. She still thinks he has bad intentions.

But now I’m afraid that she knows what’s happening. I guess we haven’t been as inconspicuous as I thought we were. Baz did say that people were getting suspicious, which is why we staged that big fight today. I thought he was just being paranoid, but Penny’s asking too many questions. So I get up in the middle of her sentence and claim that I forgot something in my room.

“Simon, wait, I’ll come with you!” she calls, grabbing her bag and starting to come after me.

“No, no. Baz is probably in there. You can’t just walk in there like you own the place. You shouldn’t be able to get in at all!” I tell her. 

“Fine,” she says. “But don’t take too long, okay?”

I assure her that I’ll hurry, and set off across campus. I rush into my and Baz’s room and find him waiting there for me.

 

BAZ

Snow bursts into our room, red-faced and panting, like he ran all the way across campus. Which he probably did.

“Oh, Crowley, what did you do this time?” I ask, raising my brow with an amused smirk on my face. He looks ridiculous.

He stares at me, taking a second to catch his breath. “I think Penny knows about us.”

“What the fuck?” No. This can’t happen.

He sits down beside me on my bed and tells me everything. He seems so scared. 

“I’m so sorry, Baz,” he says, not meeting my eyes. He stares down at his fidgeting hands. “I thought that you were overreacting, but you were right, and now Pen might say something to someone else… It’s my fault. I could have tried harder to make it seem normal between us. I’m sorry.”

I am kind of freaking out, because what if Bunce really does tell somebody? But before I can deal with that, I have to calm Snow down. I don’t want him to go off, and I’m starting to feel his magic in the air. So I just turn him towards me and place my hands on his shoulders.

“Simon, look at me,” I say. He does, those lovely blue eyes meeting mine. A small smile plays his lips.

“You called me Simon.” 

“Yeah, I guess I did,” I admit. I didn’t even realize. “We can deal with this, yeah? Deep breath in, deep breath out.” He does as I say, and I can tell he’s relaxing already. “Now listen. Bunce may not even actually know. And if she does, it’s not like she has many people to tell, right?”

Snow nods. I lean forwards and kiss him lightly. He kisses me back, pressing into me until I fall back onto my soft mattress. Now I have to push myself up to reach him, so I flip us and smile back when I see him grinning up at me. I smile at the twinkle in his eyes as I kiss each of the moles on his cheek and neck, before bringing my lips back to his.

We haven’t gone any further than this, since Snow is kind of having an identity crisis about his sexuality. But I haven’t asked either. I guess I feel that he should be the one to make a move, because he’s the one who seems more unsure.

All of my thoughts disappear as he puts his gentle hands on my face and pulls me into a long, deep kiss.

 

PENNY

Simon doesn’t come to class. I’m afraid he got into another fight with Baz, but I’m behind on homework so I can’t leave. My guess is that he left because he didn’t want to talk about his break up with Agatha. He always avoids the question whenever I ask why they broke up, and I haven’t been able to figure it out. But now I get it.

It’s because of Baz. Simon told me he broke up with Agatha, but now I’m thinking it was the other way around. I haven’t talked to her since, (Simon asked me not to) so it’s possible that she dumped him. He’s always suspected that Baz was trying to steal her away from him. Maybe he really did. But that doesn’t explain why Simon won’t talk about it. He usually tells me about anything that has to do with Baz, and if he was the reason Simon was now single, I would expect to never hear the end of it.

Maybe this really hurt him, then. If Baz did something that bad… Oh, I’m going to make bhim miserable. 

But first I have to confront Simon. I’m sad that he felt he couldn’t tell me, and he probably really needs someone to talk to right now.

Once class ends, I gather my things and head over to Mummers House. When I knock on Simon’s door, I hear a loud thump followed by an “OW!”

Then he calls out, “Just a second!”

After a minute, the ancient door creaks open, revealing a dishevelled-looking Simon. I peek over his shoulder to see what the noise I heard earlier was, but the room seems normal and tidy, but for a blanket on the floor. I look back at Simon, raising my eyebrows.

“Did you fall out of bed?” I ask with disbelief.

“I was taking a nap while Baz was in the shower,” he says, eyes wide.

“Okaaay. I just wanted to come see if you were alright, since you didn’t come to class,” I tell him.

“Yeah I’m fine,” he mumbles. “I’m just-”

“I understand,” I interrupt. “About Baz, I mean.”

Simon looks taken aback. He glances momentarily to the bathroom door.  “Penny, whatever you’re thinking, it’s really not…” He trails off.

 

SIMON

I have no clue what to say. I was really worried about this earlier, and Baz calmed me down. After that, I got a little distracted. Until Penny arrived. I had forgotten that she might be suspicious if I didn’t come to class, and was so surprised to hear her knocking that I fell out of Baz’s bed, nearly taking him with me.

After a minute of frantically rushing around, I shoved Baz into the bathroom and went to the door to confront Penelope.

Which is how we got here. She knows. Penny is good at keeping secrets, but I wouldn’t put it past her to tell Professor Bunce. I just stare at her, praying that I’m wrong.

“You’re upset with him because of Agatha,” she says. “She was supposed to be your happy ending, and she left you for him. You really could have just told me the truth. It makes so much more sense now that I know, because all of this stuff with Baz was getting ridiculous, and I could not figure out what was happening.”

What the hell? Penny has no clue what’s happening. Relief floods through me, washing away the fear of being exposed. If she thinks that I’ve been acting weird about Baz because of Agatha, then it will be so much easier to convince everyone, including her.

Now I just have to figure out how to play along with story.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I was just, um.” I fumble awkwardly on my words, trying to quickly come up with something believable. “I was really embarrassed that she broke up with me.”

Penny frowns and gives me a hug. We sit down and talk for a while, with me bullshitting the answer to every question that she asks. Eventually Baz comes out of the bathroom, glaring at me. I tell Penny to go down to the dining hall, that I’ll meet her there for lunch. When me and Baz are alone, I pull him into a tight embrace.

“She’s completely clueless,” I say softly into his ear, still not letting go. But Baz pulls back, looking me in the eye and smiling.

“Really? Because I heard the first part of the conversation, and it really sounded like she was onto us,” he replies.

“No, she thinks it’s because of Agatha,” I explain. I then tell him about how she thinks the breakup affected me, and that that’s the reason my feelings towards him have seemed so inconsistent to her, and maybe everyone else, too. I make sure Baz knows that we’re really in the clear.

I try to give him a quick kiss before I leave and go meet Penny, but he puts his arms around my neck and pulls me into a deeper one. I blissfully sink into it for a while before laughing and pulling away. 

“Hey, I can’t keep Penny waiting!” I say, playfully pushing him off. “She might get suspicious again.”

Baz cocks his head and smirks at me before saying, “Okay, fine. I’ll see you later.” He gives me a soft peck on the cheek before heading out the door. 

I wait minute before following, wondering what I did to deserve him.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon can't get Penny to avoid Agatha forever. But if the two of them talk too much, Agatha might reveal that Simon broke up with her, not the other way around. The only way to fix this is to confront her. And somehow convince her to lie to his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy so this ones only like half the length of Chapter 1, but I am posting it earlier than I thought I would, and next chapter will be a good 2500ish words

SIMON

When I get to the dining hall, I see Penny walking over to Agatha with her tray. Shit. I cannot let them have this conversation. Or really any conversation, before I can get things in line. So I rush over to Penny as quickly as I can without looking strange and grab her shoulders, guiding her away from Agatha just as she’s about to say hello. Close call.

“Can we maybe not talk to my ex-girlfriend who probably hates me right now?” I say. I give her a tight smile and a look that says ‘what the hell are you doing?’. I think she gets the message.

“Sorry!” Penny says. “I was hoping I could chat with her before you got here. I just don’t understand why she broke up with you. I haven’t even seen her with Baz at all this year.”

Good thing I made it here in time, instead of staying with Baz and losing track of time.

Again.

We should’ve come up with a story before I decided to try to explain the fake reason for my breakup to Penny. I try to catch his eye from across the room, but he’s busy talking to Niall and Dev. He’s too far away to help right now anyway. Luckily Penelope hasn’t noticed that I wasn’t listening to her ramble about Agatha and Baz. Eventually I cut her off.

“Look, Pen, I will talk to her about it. I’m just as confused about it as you are. You know that. But until I’ve actually confronted her, can we just not focus on Agatha? Please?”

Penny blinks at me before nodding, and starting on another topic.

Thank god. I really should speak to both Agatha and Baz, to figure out a reliable story. And then try to convince Agatha to go along with it. That’s going to be the hard part.

After my next class, when I spot her walking alone across the green lawn, I figure it might be my only chance. I prepare myself, then call out her name.

 

AGATHA

Apparently, Simon Snow has finally deemed it time to stop ignoring me. It’s been three weeks since he broke up with me, out of the blue, and with no explanation. He just came up to me one day and said, “I don’t think we should be together anymore. We’re just not good for each other. Sorry.” He stood there for a moment awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot. Maybe he was waiting for a response, but I couldn’t come up with anything to say. After a second, he just turned and walked away without another word. He’s been avoiding me ever since.

Truthfully, I wanted to break up, too. But I didn’t want to stop talking, to stop being friends. I just didn’t feel all those happy emotions bubbling in my chest whenever I saw him anymore. I still care about Simon, just not in that way.

So I’m glad, but also sort of surprised when he comes over to me. I hear him holler my name, and turn to see him running after me. I stop walking, and when he reaches me, he just stands there and stares at me, so I cross my arms and stare back. As I look over him, I can see how much better he’s doing. It’s amazing.

Physically, he looks the same. Same bronze curls, wide blue eyes, and a defensive stance that reveals he’s unsure of what’s left between us. But there’s a brightness to him, something different in his gaze. Even as he frowns and furrows his brow, he seems more at ease with himself. Was I keeping him from that? Was I holding him back from this person he’s become in the past three weeks, so sure and comfortable? We should have broken things off long ago if that’s the case.

“Are you just going to ogle at me, or did you actually want to talk?” I ask, breaking the silence.

Simon blinks as if he doesn’t know either.

“Oh, um. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I’ve been avoiding you, which is really shitty, and I realize that I pretty much just dumped and dropped you with no explanation,” he says. He shifts from foot to foot. I can tell he’s uncomfortable.

“Yep, you did,” I reply. “And you’re right, it’s pretty shitty, so explain yourself. Because I have no idea what the hell is happening. I honestly don’t have a clue.”

I don’t know why I’m being so mean to him. I can see that us not being together is good for him, but I guess I’m still angry at him for completely dropping me. Simon doesn’t get to get off easy just because he had a good reason.

“I- I thought that you were getting bored of me. That you wanted Baz,” he tells me. As if that’s a good excuse.

I mean sure, he’s kind of right. I didn’t want to be with Simon anymore, and Baz was… well, he was Baz. He was mysterious and confident, and I just felt this pull towards him. But I haven’t said more than five words to him since that night in the woods when Simon caught us before being whisked away by the Humdrum. Every time I try to approach him, Baz just ignores me.

But if Simon wants to be friends again, then I can’t just tell him that his suspicions were correct and I would rather date his enemy. I still have to be honest, though.

“Simon, I do think that breaking up was a good idea,” I say. If I tell him the truth, everything will be far less complicated. So that’s what I’ll do. “I don’t think we’re meant for each other either. But even if I did like Baz, why wouldn’t you confront me? I haven’t had anyone to talk to since you dumped me, because you and Penny wouldn’t say a word to me, and you two were the majority of my friend group. I didn’t get a chance to explain myself any more than you did.”

Simon looks guilty. He’s tense and his eyes are flickering around, looking at anything but me.

“I know,” he says after a long silence. “Baz and I have… talked recently, and he told me about how you two were never really anything. At first I didn’t believe him but now…” He gazes into the distance with an expression I can’t read. I squint at him in confusion.

First of all, Simon and Baz never just ‘talk’. If they’re communicating at all, it’s guaranteed to be an argument. Which means that there is no way Simon would ever believe that Baz and I have never been together if it was him who told him.

That’s not the only thing, though. Their attitudes towards each other seem to have altered vastly. After Simon broke up with me, I hadn't seen the two of them argue once until earlier today. It’s like with me out of the picture, they’ve become… Well, not friends by a long shot, but more civil with each other.

I briefly wonder if I directly caused their change in dynamic, but I feel as if I didn’t. I just can’t quite put my finger on why.

“Simon…” I start to ask. I’m just not quite sure yet what it is I’m asking. “Did you convince Baz to, like, stay away from me or something? Are you guys friends now? Because he hasn’t talked to me all year, which, well, you know.” I don’t want to say out loud that we’ve been flirting with each other since fifth year, and not seeing him is a pretty big change.

Simon stops and thinks for a second before responding.

“We have, I don’t know, a- a truce, I guess,” he says. I squint at him.

“ _You_ have a truce with Basilton Grimm-Pitch.” That is truly hard to believe.

“I, uhh… Yes.” He pauses for a moment. “A while after we broke up, I confronted him about the two of you. I guess I thought you would be immediately running to him because you were free of me. But he told me that it was never really a thing. And I want to be friends again. And-”

I cut him off, cringing at what I’m guessing he’s about to say. “Please don’t tell me you want to get back together.”

“What? No! That’s not— no.” he sputters.

“Oh. Okay, good,” I say, relieved. “Sorry, what were you about to say?”

He swallows. “I need you to tell Penny that you’re the one who broke up with me, not the other way around.”

“Simon, that makes no sense. Why would I lie?”

“Well, she already thinks that’s how it went. There’s a bunch of reasons, really, and it’s complicated, but really important. Please?” he says. He stares at me with that classic Simon Snow puppy-dog expression that he mastered in second year. I roll my eyes.

“Fine,” I tell him. “But only because I don’t want to sit by myself in the dining hall anymore. I’ve got homework to do, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

He smiles and we exchange goodbyes before I walk away. A huge weight has been lifted off my chest. I’m not alone anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ty for reading!! Leave your thoughts in the comments  
> <3


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz needs to make sure Simon realizes the reality of their situation- their world is at war and they are on opposite sides. Baz is convinced what they have won't last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, ready for some ANGST? If not, too bad.
> 
> Sorry about not posting for so long, I got busy with school starting and also I have an audition tomorrow I'm preparing for. Anyways, enjoy!

SIMON

For a few weeks, everything is perfect. I get to see Baz every night and every morning, but no one suspects a thing. Penny is off my case, and Agatha and I are friends again. The Mage wants me to come with him at Christmas to talk to the European Council of Mages, to discuss how the Humdrum is going to start affecting Europe soon, if we don’t stop him. But more importantly, the Mage thinks I can help. That together we can do things better than he can alone.

A bird arrives with a message, summoning me to his office on a Friday night after supper. I really hope those things can’t report back to the the Mage, because when it flies in through the window, a shirtless Baz just happens to have me pressed up against a wall. To his dismay, I push him off and immediately dash out the door. I don’t actually know what the bird’s message was, but the Mage is the only one at the school who uses them, and whenever he sends one to me, it’s because he wants me at his office. There’s a bounce in my step as I jog along the path away from Mummers House. I’m expecting him to announce that he has a date for the meeting with European Council, or he’s found a new way to fight the Humdrum. But when I burst into his office, it is clear that the reason he sent for me was not a good one.

Papers from the desk have been flung all over the room. A bookshelf in the corner lays on its side. All the titles it previously held are now scattered across the rug. This place looks the way a room might look if my magic went off, just less burnt. The Mage himself sits dejectedly in his chair, head resting in his palms. He looks up at me.

“Did you not get my message?” he inquires upon seeing my expression of shock.

“Oh, I came as soon as I got the bird. But…” I trail off. I feel guilty for not paying closer attention.

“I see,” the Mage replies. “The European Council responded to my request. They looked into information surrounding the Humdrum, but decided there wasn’t enough of it. Instead of us going to meet them, to work together, they’ve decided to send over a team to investigate us. And the holes, of course. But they don’t trust me, they think  _ I _ caused this. No British mages are allowed to enter continental Europe until further notice. And they’ve asked me to send you to stay with one of the Old Families for Christmas break.”

I stand in silence. Everything he just told me is a lot to take in. I was so prepared to finally do  _ something _ to fight the Humdrum, but the one part I could help with has been ripped from me. I’ve been benched. My entire country has been benched, I can’t fucking believe this. Anger swells up from deep inside me.

“Simon,” the Mage warns. I turn away from him. “Simon!”

The entire room starts to tremble with magic as I whip back around. I freeze when I notice my blurring hands. I hadn’t realized that my magic was acting up, which scares me more than the fact that it is. Calm down, calm down,  _ calm down. _

Eyes closed. Deep breath in, deep breath out. I imagine Baz’s hands on my shoulders as he coaches me through this. When I feel okay, I open my eyes.

The Mage is staring at me, looking impressed. Why is he impressed? His office was nearly blown up by my hand. I raise my brows at him in doubt, hoping for an explanation.

“Well done, Simon. I’ve never seen you take control like that so close to going off.”

“Oh,” I say flatly.

He nods at me, prideful, and flourishes his wand with a soft murmur. The books and papers fly back into place and the office is immediately perfectly organized again. If only I had enough control to do that to my room. 

After I’m dismissed, I wander slowly back across campus. I feel dispirited. The hope I was carrying was squashed, there’s no plan for fighting the Humdrum, and instead of spending Christmas with the Mage, or even Agatha like I normally do, I will be in the house of a family who doesn’t know me, but definitely hates me.

Eventually, I realize Baz is probably waiting for me, and I hurry back to our room. It’s been just over half an hour since I left. No longer shirtless, he sits in a navy jumper at his desk with his homework spread before him. His eyes are fixed on the wall, his leg bounces up and down the way it sometimes does when he gets impatient. He’s clearly waiting for me while trying to look like he’s busy.

“Baz?” I say softly. He leans back in his chair so that he almost faces me. Dark hair falls in front of sharp grey eyes as he tilts his head to see me better.

“Snow,” he returns in greeting. My heart sinks a little bit when he says it. Baz has been calling me Simon more and more lately, and he really only calls me Snow in public now. Or if he’s upset with me, or taunting me. There’s no smirk, which means he’s upset with me right now, probably because I just abandoned him with no explanation.

“Baz, I’m really sorry about that, it’s just, the Mage needed me…” I can hear how it comes out as a lousy excuse instead of a heartfelt apology. I mentally kick myself.

“It’s fine.” he says, and turns back to his homework. Definitely not fine. I come up behind him and lean over so I can rest my chin on his shoulder.

“Are you mad?” I ask. “It’s okay if you’re mad.”

“No, it’s fine,” he repeats. I can tell he’s not going to talk, so I give up on trying to force him. Instead I press a soft, lingering kiss to his neck. His breath hitches and he pulls his whole body away from me. He stands up and faces me, and I shrink back at the anger in his eyes. 

“Actually, it’s not fine, Snow,” Baz spits. “You act like you can play both sides of this. You’re the Mage’s pet and also, oops, the boyfriend of a Pitch, a family that said Mage hates more than anything else! I just hope you know you can’t be both and pretend everything will work out.”

We stand in silence, in shock. I hadn’t thought of our relationship like that at all. I just wanted to be happy together, apart from the war between the different sides we were on. I avoided thinking longterm, beyond this final year of Watford where Baz and I could easily hide.

“Oh,” I choke out, my voice barely above a whisper. It’s all I can manage. For a minute I just stare at him, and he stares back. I can’t process everything he just said well enough for a response. And though Baz’s expression is hard, I can tell he is just processing it all as well, trying to gage my reaction. 

Eventually, a tear slips down my cheek. All I can think is that Baz doesn’t want me anymore. Up until he made this clear, I hadn’t realized how special it felt to be really wanted, how different it felt from my constantly fragile relationship with Agatha. Because looking back, everything between us had been so very one sided. Nothing close to how it was with Baz.

Now I’m really crying, doing my best not to let a sob escape. Finally that awful hardness in Baz’s eyes breaks, and he steps toward me carefully.

“Simon,” he says.  _ Simon, he called me Simon.  _ “Hey, Simon.” He pulls me against him and now I do sob, quietly, because this is probably the last time I’ll be in his arms.

“Baz,” I murmur into his chest. He’s so nice and soft as he holds me, and pushes his hand through my curls. He shushes me, not scolding me for crying, but as a caring gesture, until I’ve run out of tears. I shrink back from his embrace until it’s just his hands resting on the small of my back. I see the reluctance in his eyes as he drops them to his sides. I step back.

“Okay then,” I say in a small voice. Baz nods. “I guess if you think I can’t be both… I have to, what, pick a side?”

I can see Baz’s eyes becoming frantic. Maybe he doesn’t want me to leave after all.

 

BAZ

I don’t know what to do. Everything I said came pouring out of me, because I’ve been just thinking about it without rest. I love being with Simon. I love Simon. Those are things I know, that he knows (okay, maybe I haven’t said the latter out loud yet, but that’s not the point).

But after the initial shock that Simon wanted me too, after the unbreakable little bubble of happiness, our “honeymoon phase” or whatever you want to call it, it started to occur to me that this wasn’t sustainable. I know Simon tries to not talk too much about Mage’s Heir things, probably because he knows I disagree with everything the bastard stands for, but what if it’s because he doesn’t think I’m to be trusted with the Mage’s secrets? The fact that we’re on different sides of this war still stands. That hasn’t changed just because we fell in love. At least, I think we did. When Simon abandoned me without thought on a whim from the Mage, it became clear that he will choose the war over me. Eventually.

That’s not the only thing. What’s supposed to happen when we graduate from Watford? For now Simon and I can spend almost all of our time together, in this room, and no one thinks anything of it. But once I’m living with my family full time, and he’s off doing who knows what with the Mage, I don’t see many options for us. Knowing Simon, he probably hasn’t thought about any of this at all. That’s why I exploded at him. I needed him to understand that, the way I see it, our future is inevitably going to be cut short. This will end in flames.

But I don’t want it to. I don’t think it has to be over yet. Simon just needs to at least be thinking about it. Him breaking down because he didn’t know how to handle it isn’t what I was going for. It breaks my heart.

He thinks he has to pick a side. Maybe he really does. That’s what all this is about, but I am not prepared in the slightest for him to do it now.  _ This will end in flames, and I gave it a spark. _

“Yeah, you’ll end up on one side or the other somehow, so,” I say. I see something die in Simon’s eyes, as if a part of him was hoping that it wasn’t true, just as I am. “I don’t need you to do it now. I don’t want you to do it now.” 

“You assume I’m not going to choose you, then,” says Simon. I know he won’t.

“Will you?” I ask. I’m curious if he thinks he will. I am sure of his choice, however far in the future it may be. I doubt that Simon is, though. 

He sits down on my bed, defeated. He covers his face with his hands. I can tell he’s miserable considering it. When he shakes his head, his spritely bronze curls bounce in a manner far too joyful for this situation. When he looks back up, his eyes are once again shining with tears just waiting to spill over.

“I don’t know,” he utters helplessly.

Conversations can feel, in one’s mind, like any number of other sensations. When Simon and I lie tangled together on a late Sunday morning, every whispered word is a golden feeling, another beam of sunlight warming my skin. Him asking me how my day has been when we meet in the woods at lunch feels like coming home. But in this interaction, every exchange is a punch in the gut. Even when I asked, expecting the answer that I’ve now received, it hurt. Even with the expectation, I still had a sliver of hope, just enough to feel a fist connecting with my stomach when it’s proven false.

To my surprise, Simon continues. This punch hurts particularly more than all the others.

“If you don’t want to wait around to find out, I understand. You don’t have to stay with me in fear that I’ll ruin it all.” That’s a real thing Simon Snow just said to me. He believes I would willingly end things with him any earlier than is absolutely necessary for both of our survival.

“Simon, no,” I tell him, my voice wavering with what might be laughter, as a short-circuiting frantic reaction. I sit beside him, and feel déjà vu from when Simon thought Bunce was on to us. “I love you. I don’t want you to have to decide. I’m just afraid of it, and that with all your history with the Mage, and the magickal world, that when the time comes it’ll be… easier, if that’s the right word, for you to choose to leave.”

His eyes widen. “You don’t want to break up?” he asks. I smile sadly and shake my head no. What I want to tell him is  _ I never want to break up, I want to be with you forever.  _ But I won’t, because I just told him I love him for the first time, and I don’t want to overwhelm him. “Wait, no no, pretend I didn’t say that. I’m restarting, okay, here we go,” Simon babbles. He leans in to me, close enough that his forehead rests on mine, close enough that I feel hot air on my mouth and his lips moving when he speaks again. “I love you too, Baz.”

And he kisses me, and it’s better than it has ever been, with a particular sweet softness to it that comes from knowing that he loves me. Or maybe because I thought Simon Snow would never kiss me again because he was breaking up with me. It reminds me of the first time he kissed me. I was so distraught over my mother’s Visit, plus I was drunk, plus I was imagining how my insufferable roommate would never care about me, meaning he’d probably kill me one day. When Simon found me I let out all my rage, my suicidal wishes, and my fear. He shut me up with his lips, making me the most grateful I had ever been until right now.

I deepen the kiss, pressing harder, letting the tip of my tongue slide along Simon’s bottom lip. He pushes back, and I let myself be devoured by Simon Snow. When I finally break us apart, it’s to say one thing.

“We’re okay?” There’s an unspoken  _ for now,  _ but we’ll ignore that.

“We’re okay,” he confirms. It’s all I need to hear.


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Baz's relationship has been through a lot so far. They've learned so much about the world and each other since they got together, but there's one line they haven't crossed. Yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I keep forgetting to post I'm so sorry. But, it's almost midnight and I realized you guys deserve another chapter, and I already had this written when I posted the last one, so honestly i have no excuse for it not being up before now. Beware- gets very close to smut but I feel weird writing that so i just scoot around it kinda... also theres a bunch of probably-unnecessary metaphors in the first bit but i didn't want to delete any of them lol. any ways here it is

SIMON

It’s not the same now. My carefully constructed world where Baz and I can always be happy is starting to fracture, with the weight of knowing it will eventually shatter causing the cracks to spread. The time we spend together is bittersweet. It’s not fair that we were doomed from the beginning. It’s not fair that this war means that we can’t even share the small amount of time that we get together with everyone else. 

We talk about it sometimes. Baz seems resigned to our tragic finale that is just hovering in the near-to-distant future. He’ll listen to me scheme over how to end everything peacefully, so that he can come out, we can be together publicly, and no one who either of us care about ends up prosecuted for crimes against magic, but he always will find some part that is unrealistic or another loose end that I haven’t managed to tie up in any given plan. He never even offers his own ideas, which is how I can tell he’s dropped the possibility of a happy ending in his own mind. I know that Basilton Pitch can do anything if he puts his mind to it, but if he won’t even try… Honestly, it’s feeling a little hopeless.

The other thing about us being on the same page about how long we have together is that it becomes almost frantic, so easily. Sure, there are still moments that are careful, honey-coated, full of soft, pure love. A part of each of us, though, is trying to soak up as much of the other as we can before the sand in the hourglass that is our relationship empties out. For us, that means heated make-out sessions as soon as I walk into the room with no warning, and I’m not complaining.

Here’s the thing though. I think Baz wants to have sex with me. He’s just been a little pushier, more ready to take off however many items of clothing at the slightest sign, which I think is a signal.

I’m not saying I don’t want that to happen, but I wonder if he’s taking things faster because he thinks if we don’t do it now we never will. He may not be wrong, which almost puts me on the same side, but I also want our first time to be at a point where we move forward in our relationship in a big way.

We’ve been dating for less than two months, right? (Our two month anniversary is in two weeks. Not that we’ll celebrate it, but I like to keep track) That’s not a lot of time we’ve been together, waiting. It’s too soon. 

So on one hand, I’d rather focus on other things for a while, at least a few more months, until the right time to make it a big romantic gesture comes along. 

On the other hand, we might be forced to kill each before that happens. My mind is saying (so is my body) that being naked with Baz will be the best thing that’s ever happened.  _ And _ , we’ve had chemistry building for eight fucking years, it’s not like we just met.

So to put it simply, I am conflicted. I've overthought this to the extreme, stupidly forgetting my no-thinking rule. I haven’t confronted Baz, because I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. What if I’ve been reading the signs wrong? If I say something, will that make it awkward when we finally do it? I don’t have anyone to talk this through with, because this is a “secret relationship”. 

God, I feel like people romanticize secret relationships. As if it’s always a sexy, forbidden love story that ends in you eloping to Paris. I can tell you, it’s the farthest thing from fun. You can’t brag about your gorgeous boyfriend. There’s no one to answer all your sex questions! These are the kinds of things I would tell Penny about, if it were Agatha, or literally anyone but Baz, so she could give me some of her Penny wisdom, and all would be well. 

Not that sex was anything I ever seriously thought about doing with Agatha. I did picture a future involving kids, so I guess it would have been thrown in there somewhere. Neither of us brought it up, and that was that. There was no screaming  _ want  _ for her that I feel for Baz. Maybe that means that I should just go for it with him? Ach, I need someone to talk to about this!

I sit up straight in bed. I’ve just had a wonderful and possibly very stupid idea. Baz is out practising on the pitch, and I’ve been lying here stewing in my problems. But no more!

I pull on a jumper to help me brave the chilly fall wind and head out.

So I’m not allowed to tell anybody that I’m dating my roommate. But who’s to say I can’t talk to a friend about “someone” I’m seeing? This “someone” doesn’t want all the attention of dating the Chosen One, so this person shall remain nameless to my romantic adviser (Penny). It’s not even a complete lie. Perfect cover-up!

Problem is, Pen will to want to know every detail. She’ll come up with questions I couldn’t possibly have imagined her asking in advance, so I’ll come up with a far-fetched lie, and my story will come crashing down. Shit.

I need someone else, and fast, because I’m getting cold out here.  _ Why _ is it zero degrees in mid November? Talking about sex with Rhys or any of the other guys sounds disagreeable, so that’s off the table. My eyes land on Agatha’s building.

I’m walking towards it. Is this an absolutely horrible idea? Probably. Is it slightly less horrible than my other options? Hopefully. Am I willing to make literally any choice at this point so that I can stop wandering around the campus in the freezing weather and get my ass inside? One hundred percent.

As I climb the stairs, I’m doubting myself more and more with every step. I keep going, because I know that if I don’t get at least a little bit of this off my chest I may explode. Emotionally and perhaps with magic. 

Agatha opens the door looking exhausted. She’s wearing a pair of pink sweatpants and her usually shiny blonde hair is looking less shiny and more like an unwashed mess. I hadn’t noticed in class earlier, which is weird. No, I remember, she was wearing a hat.

When Agatha sees me she immediately starts trying to smooth out her hair and straighten her top. She then tilts her head and squints at me in confusion.

“Simon, what are you doing here? I thought you’d be at the pitch, or...” she waves her hand vaguely.

“So, I was thinking about some relationship stuff.”

She scrunches her nose, perhaps out of disgust. “I thought you didn’t want to get back together?”

“No I do not. It’s about someone else, I just need someone to talk things through with, I suppose?” She tilts her head again, this time in consideration. Then she beckons me in.

Agatha sits on her bed and I pull up the chair from her desk. I often forget what the more standard Watford rooms look like, the ones not in towers. It feels strange to be here. Not only is it a completely different format, but she has no roommate. The bed formerly belonging to Philippa, who left after one of many incidents with Baz, has been stripped and is now pushed into a corner. I haven’t been here since last year, before I saw Ags with Baz in the woods.

“Tell me about this relationship stuff,” Agatha says.

I go over my story of the Person I’m Seeing and why this person shall remain anonymous, then tell her the real reason I’m here. Well, as much as I can.

“So you think she wants to sleep with you because you agree that you’ll break up once we graduate?” she asks. I nod. It’s as close to the truth as I can get. “But why wouldn’t she just say so? Why don’t you just ask?”

Now this is what I’m here to talk about. I shake my head.

“What if I’m supposed to initiate, which is why it hasn’t been mentioned? Or if I’ve read the signs wrong and both of us are fine with just kissing and stuff until we break up, so me asking is too much?” I’m very careful not to use pronouns. Agatha assumes I’m dating a girl, and I’ll let her, but it feels like too much lying to say ‘she’ when I secretly am referring to Baz.

Agatha sighs. “I get it, I guess. But are you okay with just kissing? If you do want to sleep with her, then definitely ask. You don’t have to tell her you brought it up because you thought she was throwing out signs. It can be all you.”

“I think I do.” I admit. Agatha raises her manicured brows, like she thinks the problem is solved. “But...” I start. She raises them higher.

“Fine, I’ll talk to him.” She smiles, gets up to escort me out of her room, of which I was not really invited into, and then she spins around on her heel in a blur, facing me again.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

The look on Agatha’s face is one of shock and scandal, but then the corner of her lip twitched up. Almost like she’s secretly excited, or hoping for gossip. I wince.

“Oh my god!” she stage-whispers. “You said  _ him _ ! Oh my god, that’s why you won’t tell me! You’re dating a guy?”

I bring my hands up to cover my face. I can’t believe I blew it. “Is there a way to convince you no?”

Agatha sits back down. “Nope. Now spill. Are you gay? Why didn’t you tell me? Wait, is that why you broke up with me?”

“No.” (Yes.) “We just were bad together.” (Also, I fell for a guy.) “This doesn’t mean I’m gay.” (It might, actually, but I’m not sure.) “Please don’t tell anybody.” (That I’m dating Baz.) She starts to speak again but I cut her off. “I’m not telling you who he is. He’s not out.” Not a lie. “I’m afraid Baz will go after him, too, as my weak point. Though not using the same approach he did with you.” This is a lie, probably the best lie I’ve ever told.

Agatha’s face softens. “You think he would hurt him? And you two will be done after school ends because… Oh, Simon, I’m so sorry. This is just heartbreaking. I promise I won’t tell anyone.” She hugs me. I hug her back. I hate how close to the truth she is.

“Would Baz really do anything to him though? He’s not as evil as you think he is, really. And you two had a truce, right?” she says. I can’t believe she says it. Though I love Baz, I’m completely sure that if the fib I’m telling Agatha was real, he would absolutely target any boyfriend of mine. (Or perhaps try to steal him the way he did Agatha.) She’s just trying to defend him because she still fancies him. I’m upset that she still wants him, mostly because he’s with me, but a little bit because she’s still picking him. (Old habits die hard)

“Are you for real?  _ Yes _ , he definitely would!”

Agatha rolls her eyes. “Come  _ on _ , Simon—”

“Never mind.” I’m already walking out the door

My mind is racing. That kind of went horribly— but I think I’m going to take her advice, so at least there’s that, which is what I came for. Now I just have to have a discussion. With Baz. About sex.

I groan.

 

BAZ

Snow’s been oddly quiet for the past three days. It’s not that we haven’t talked, but when we do he seems reluctant, almost hesitant, like he means to say something but doesn’t want to. He usually does this when before trying to convince me of a new plan for us to live happily ever after and avoid the war. I never indulge in those, no matter how tempting, because if we settle on one and it fails, I will forever hate myself for not savouring every moment I had with Simon. So I focus on the now and ignore the future, which is much harder to do when my boyfriend mostly just stares at me and says barely anything. Mostly, when he gets like this, it lasts for an hour to a day. Something really must be up if Simon Snow isn’t willing to speak his mind.

Right now we’re sitting together on the the floor between our beds. I’m doing my Poli Sci homework, and Snow is leaning on my shoulder with his spread out and untouched before him as he stares at the patterns of shadow on the wood floor, created by the fading light that comes through the window. I shift and he sits up straight, turning to me. I glance at him and throw out a small smile, but continue to focus on my homework.

After a minute he takes this deep breath and I think  _ finally, he’s going to tell me _ , but he just scrunches his eyes and starts to actually do the work he’s been ignoring for an hour or so. I can’t handle this.

“Snow, if you’re going to say something, just do it, so we can both stop freaking out about it.”

Simon is shocked, I think, that I knew. He juts his head forward a bit and, looking a little embarrassed, softly asks, “You could tell?”

I quirk my brows and smirk. “Why yes, I do notice when my boyfriend doesn’t update me on anything at all in his life for three days.” Simon gives a grumpy pout, so I twine my fingers through his and kiss his neck. “What’s up?”

He sighs and pulls away. “Have you been making secret subtle moves and hints trying to discreetly tell me that you want to have sex?”

I stare at him and let out a giggle. An honest-to-Crowley giggle. I cover my mouth, surprised at myself. Of all things he could have said, it’s that he’s stressed about a possible secret sex message.

He pouts again, annoyed at my amusement. I laugh harder. “Why are you laughing?” he asks earnestly, but he starts to grin too. I shake my head, not able to speak yet. “Why— no, it’s a serious question!” he insists through his own laughter. We both lie there until we’re breathless from a few minutes of straight-up giggling. Simon curls into me. His forehead presses against my neck as he breathes in the scent of my jumper, and his curls gently tickle my cheek.

“I feel like I never see you that happy. Never when you’re really laughing.” he says sadly. As if he’s resigned to it.

“It’s hard, love,” I respond. He looks up at me and I kiss him ever so softly. “Everything’s so complicated. But you make it better.” He hums contently with that. 

Then he narrows his eyes at me. “So I’m guessing there were no specific let’s-have-sex hints then?” I let out another bark of laughter and sit up.

“Um, no,” I tell him. “Not deliberately. But I’m not against the idea. Unless you don’t want to.”

I have a feeling that he doesn’t, considering how rattled he’s been these past few days as he worked up the nerve to ask if it’s what I want. Part of me thinks the reason he wouldn’t is,  _ how could he?   _ I can’t completely fathom that Simon is even interested in kissing me, to this day, due to the years of telling myself he would only ever be disgusted by me. The idea that he wouldn’t want to sleep with me has been burrowed in my head so deep for so long that it’s been stuck, even since we started dating.

Sometimes I tell myself that we haven’t been together very long, or that Simon isn’t completely comfortable with his sexuality, which is why he hasn’t broached the subject yet. Those are fairly plausible, but underneath it all I can’t convince myself he would ever want me like that. That’s why I haven’t broached the subject either.

Point is, I’m pretty much expecting him to say something along the lines of, “Not yet,” or, “I’m not ready,” to let me down easy, maybe even a plain old, “No way,” What I’m not expecting is:

“But I do.”

Those three words completely short-circuit my brain.

“Wait, really?” I can’t keep the utter shock out of my voice when I say it.

Simon squints in confusion (I swear, half of that boy’s interactions with others depend on squinting and shrugging) and he nods like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, not the one thing I’ve thought impossible since I met him. He pushes himself up so that I’m not looking down at him

“Yes, really, you dummy. Why wouldn’t I?” he says.  _ So many reasons,  _ I think. “I mean, maybe waiting a while would be more traditional, or romantic, or whatever. But who knows if we have a while. Maybe it’s not fair to push it on you just because there’s a war in the way of our future, but I still want to do it and if you do, too…” He gives me a slightly nervous but happy and curious and oh-so-very-Simon smile. “Why not?”

It takes my mind a second to catch up to the reality before me. Simon Snow, the Chosen One, who I have been pining over for years and years, just said the words, “Why not?” in reference to having sex with me. I’m totally calm right now, definitely fine, yep.

I’m not going to let Simon see that I’m completely freaking out. Right now, I need to be the smooth, never-flustered Baz he (somehow) believes me to be.

In an instant I swing my leg over his lap so that I’m straddling him. I push his hair away from his face and take a moment to appreciate his eyes. The blue irises that are a couple shades from cornflower have been shrunk to thin rings by his blown pupils, heavy with anticipation. I kiss him feverishly, first on his lips, and then trailing down to the his jaw and neck. I try to act confident, like I’m not already overwhelmed with amazement at him.

“Okay,” I say against his skin. “Why not?”

Clearly Simon agrees as he firsts pulls off his own shirt, then my jumper. His hands wander over my chest and back, and when he reaches my waistband he pauses, asking with his eyes to confirm I’m sure of this. Bloody hell, I am. I want him so much. But as eager as I am to explore every inch of Simon, I would prefer not to do so on the floor.

When I slowly pull away and stand up, his head whips up and he knits his brows, afraid he’s crossed some line. 

“Did I—?” he starts, but I shake my head. I extend and arm and nod towards his bed. Beaming, he grabs my outstretched hand and yanks himself up a bit too forcefully, crashing into me and knocking me onto the duvet. A laugh escapes him as I pull him down on top of me, and now we’re together, just us, about to do what I have dreamed of for what feels like forever. 

The mattress is soft and so is Simon’s skin, his hands are gentle but his lips are not. When he climbs off of me for a mere moment, I swear I almost whine at the absence of his constant heat, but he’s searching for something in his drawer. I catch a glimpse of his old silver cross and find myself smiling. He hasn’t worn it weeks. Having found what he was looking for, Simon holds up the shiny silver packet of a condom. 

“Yes?” he asks one last time, making sure I haven’t changed my mind about this since I realized I wanted him four years ago.

“God, yes.”


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agatha isn't great at keeping secrets. Not that Simon's helping. Penny knows something is up, and she can be incredibly convincing when she wants to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> So, I may not have updated this fic in 2 months, but fear not! I didn't abandon it, and I hope you didn't either. School and stuff has gotten in the way, plus I am a master procrastinator. Anyways, I will try to be more frequent with updates, more info at the end. In the meantime, sit back, relax, and enjoy stupid banter that turns into intense angst very quickly  
> ps. excuse this shitty chapter summary and all previous and future ones. I really hate writing them, i know they suck

AGATHA

Simon comes in to the breakfast hall Monday morning with a particularly sunny outlook on life. He’s eaten two extra sour cherry scones on top of his usual three. He also can’t seem to stop smiling and complimenting Penelope and I. Lucky for me, he also seems to have forgotten the tussle we got into when I defended Baz.

“You know, Pen, you’re basically the best best friend I could’ve ever asked for,” he says as he butters his sixth scone.

Penny rolls her eyes and sets down her book on the sixteenth century vowel shift. “Si, you never compliment me more than once per conversation. That’s three just now, plus two for Agatha, if telling her you wonder how she never had acne counts. So either you’re about to die doing something stupid and heroic, and you want us to know you care, or you’re in a great mood for some reason, and are simply suspiciously happy.”

She’s not the only one who figures something’s up. I wiggle my brows at Simon suggestively, and when I do he can barely suppress a smile. He  _ totally  _ had sex with mystery man! He turns his attention to Penny.

“I’m not about to die, don’t worry,” he mumbles through a mouthful of scone. “But I can’t tell you.”

Penny glances at me and notices my poorly hidden grin. She wrings her hands in exasperation.

“She clearly knows! Since when do you tell Agatha secrets that you don’t tell me?”

Simon shrugs, “To be fair, I told her on accident.” He’s basically admitting he had sex!

“Of course you did,” Penny mutters to herself. She keeps interrogating him for a few minutes, but he’s uncharacteristically resolute. When it comes to his best friend, he can never keep his mouth shut.

We walk to Greek together, and as I’m following Simon through the door, Penny pulls me back. 

“Will you  _ please _ tell me what’s going on?” she begs. “It’s clearly not bad, so I don’t see why it has to be all hush-hush. Plus, I’m a better secret keeper than he is. I promise not to tell.”

I hesitate. This is probably much too personal for me to be sharing, especially when Simon is set on not telling her. But it seems unfair that I know when his best friend doesn’t, and she makes some good points. She’d never betray him.

“Fine. But you don’t tell a soul.” She nods. “So… Simon has a secret boyfriend, but I don’t know who he is, and two days ago he came to me asking for advice about how to tell the boy that Si is ready to have sex or whatever. And now...” I bite my lip and shrug.

Penelope’s mouth is hanging open like a trout. She keeps opening and closing it trying to find the right thing to say. All she can come up with is:

“That is the farthest thing from what I expected.”

I nod. “Anyway, come on, we can’t be late for Greek.”

I leave her standing in the doorway.

Penny spends the whole class trying to catch Simon’s eye, but he’s busy frowning at Baz. The usual. I’m already regretting spilling. I can just feel the argument they’re about to have when Penny makes a big deal about it.

I was right. As soon as the bell rings, she jumps up and grabs him by the arm, barely giving him time to gather his things before getting dragged down the hall. I reluctantly follow, because I foolishly made myself part of this, so I have to deal with the consequences. We end up in an empty classroom. Simon looks suspicious already.

As soon as I shut the door, Penny starts freaking out.

“Simon! How could you not tell me!” she whisper-yells angrily.

“Agathaaa,” he groans. “You weren’t supposed to say anything.”

“Oops?” I wince.

“Simon!” Penny repeats, trying to draw his attention. “Hello?”

He slumps into an empty desk chair. He tells her basically what he told me, all the while glaring my way.

“So you did it?” Penny clarifies.

“Yes, we did! But I really don’t see how it’s your business at all.”

Penny actually looks guilty for a moment. “Sorry. I was just annoyed that Agatha knew and I didn’t. You really won’t tell us who he is?”

Simon shakes his head vigorously, annoyed. “Once again, none of your business.”

Penelope accepts this and moves on.

  
  


SIMON

Close calls are my specialty. It’s a wonder I haven’t just blurted it out to the world by now. Another reason I hate secret relationships. Baz would be so mad if he found out both of my best friends know about him. Well, they’re close enough to knowing about him.

I should have known Agatha would notice. It’s been impossible to not be happy about everything, though. Being with Baz was— impossible to describe. There was some fumbling and awkwardness, but it didn’t matter because it was him. He tries to convince everyone, including me, that he’s above everything, but I know how much that meant to him. He didn’t try to hide it. To just see him and know that he wants me in every way… Like I said, how can I not smile at the world? Honestly, the worst thing about this morning is that it ruined my good mood.

The rest of the week passes without incident. Penny and Ags barely even bother me about my boyfriend, who they’ve annoyingly nicknamed Mister Mystery. I think  _ they’re  _ the ones plotting now, or at least speculating together.

Part of me knew the bubble wouldn’t last. Mine never do. 

On Saturday, Baz comes back from his last football practice of the season fuming. Normally, I would have been there to watch, but today was so dreary, drizzling on and off, that I didn’t bother. I finally managed a spell for warming the room up to make it nice for Baz when he got out of the rain. My  **Some like it hot** may have singed the desk, and it doesn’t work on rooms anyway, but I got  **Baby it’s cold outside** right after a couple failed attempts. The room is nice and toasty, but apparently that’s not going to make him happy.

“Simon, what did you tell your fucking girlfriend about me?” he practically shouts. He’s angry, but he’s hurt, too. His voice is hoarse, as if he’s just cried or he’s about to. His dripping midnight hair makes him look tragic. He doesn’t get like this unless there’s something seriously wrong.

“I didn’t tell her anything about  _ you _ , specifically— and she’s not my girlfriend.”

“Okay, well you clearly told her something.” There’s betrayal and fear in his words. I go over and try to put my hands on his arms, but he dodges me and sweeps across the room.

“What happened? Whatever it was, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I say. 

“Wellbelove was trying to ask me on a date, I think. She just won’t leave me alone. I couldn’t deal with everything today that happened. The freezing rain, the coach hates me, my mother does too because I’m undead, but she wants me to find her murderer, and I couldn’t deal with fucking Wellbelove.” He pauses, out of breath. Wait, what?

His mom? Wasn’t she killed by the Humdrum? Was she the one who Visited him? That’s basically the one thing he won’t tell me about. I’m about to ask all this, but he keeps talking. 

“So I just told her. I told her I’m gay so she would leave me alone but she said, ‘You and Simon have more in common than you think.’ Then her face did this weird thing and she all of a sudden had somewhere to be even though she’s the one approached me. ” He’s glaring at me now like he can’t stand to see me.

“I didn’t mean to tell her anything.” I say.

“But you told her something,  _ clearly _ . You can’t convince me that she doesn’t know about us! She’s going to tell everyone, including the Mage, it’ll get back to my family, they’ll pull me out of school and I’ll never see you again.” He won’t meet my eyes.

“Hey, no. No.” I walk over and try to touch him again. He shrugs away from my hand, rolling his neck in discomfort. He finally looks at me. His eyes are shining but blank, expression unreadable. He’s shutting me out and I hate it more than anything. “Baz,” I whisper. “You’re overthinking this. That’s not going to happen.”

He crosses his arms and grabs at his elbows. “Maybe not. But it could, and you keep slipping up like this, not considering that my family, all the Old Families, expect me to kill you someday, and I can’t get out of it, and all it takes for me to be happy, at least for now, is for you to  _ keep your mouth shut _ and you can’t even do that.”

My eyes burn from trying to not cry. “What are you saying?” 

“I can’t anymore, Simon. We can’t. I love you so fucking much, but I can’t let it destroy me when we’re on opposite sides for good. This, the way it is, is too much work for no happy ending. I’m done.” He pushes me aside and slams the door on his way out.

Part of me is ready to go after him, but that same part expects him to come right back, so I stand still.

The door stays shut.

He’s gone, and I crumple, and it’s over. 

This is the opposite of going off. My magic rises and pours out, but it just swirls in circles of darkness around me instead of exploding. I cry until I’m empty, and it slowly settles onto the floor and walls and everything in the room, leaving layers of soot where there was never any fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I do this to my boys??? I hoped you guys liked Agatha (well, I hope you liked the whole chapter), I know a few people really liked seeing her last chapter. Also, surprise! I'm finally incorporating canon plot details, woah. Anyway, thanks for reading, new update sometime in the next two weeks<3.


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz mourns- for his breakup and his mother. Penny rescues Simon from a dark place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year!  
> I'm so sorry that im such a liar- i definitely said i would upload this 2 weeks after the last and i did NOT at all.  
> Fear not! the next chapter is all finished and edited so it will be up next saturday. i promise.
> 
> This was beta'd by my friend Eva- she's @skeletalorchard on tumblr, u should definitely check her out.

BAZ

What have I done? 

He was mine. Simon Snow, the love of my life since age fifteen, was dating  _ me.  _ If anyone had told me that four months ago, I would have told them to go see a psychiatrist about their delusions. No past version of me would believe that Simon would ever sleep in my bed, and tell me he loves me every day. 

I left him. He’s the only person I’ve ever wanted, and I just shut the door. There isn’t any turning back from this. Not on my part, certainly. I have to keep my last shred of pride intact. Perhaps Simon would take back whatever he said to Wellbelove, but he can’t.

So we’re over. I got to play out all my fantasies, and then they ended. 

My feet carry me to the catacombs on instinct. Once I reach my mother’s tomb _ ,  _ I let myself absorb my new truth.  _ I will never be with Simon again. _

It hits me like a train, so hard that I collapse against the wall of bones and slide to floor. A shriveled bouquet gets crushed beneath me. What an accurate metaphor. The end of a relationship, the end of the belief that my mother would be proud if she had lived to see me now. Both are things that I was responsible for, things I had to upkeep. Things I destroyed, just like the flowers.

I always knew she would hate for living as a vampire. I ignored it the best I could, focusing instead on the other parts of my life, the ones I hoped maybe she could be proud of. 

When she Visited, she told me to find her killer. That Nicodemus knows. She kissed my forehead, but when she drew back, she had a new severity in her eyes. She was starting to fade, but she took my hand and closed her eyes.

“You’re so much colder than you were…” she began. The look turned sad, and she opened her mouth to say more, but her strength was gone. She just shook her head as she slowly dissipated, crossing the Veil once more.

I try as hard as I can not to think about that moment, but I can’t always avoid it, and I see her disappointed look in every dream. I envy Simon’s ability to put any topic out of his mind.

There were so many moments I almost told him what my mother had said. I didn’t have it in me to seek out Nicodemus alone, but with Simon by my side, almost anything seemed possible. But if I tell him anything, I don’t know if I could keep my mouth shut about my mother. 

I was getting there, though, close to opening up. Because if I could find her killer, she might forgive me for letting myself be a monster.

Without the help of Simon (more likely the help of the sidekick, Bunce) I don’t even have the motivation to try. Say I found Nicodemus alone, and he led me to whoever slaughtered my mother and made me what I am, and cut the bastard’s throat. I’d have nothing worth coming back to. Trying to avenge my mother is a suicide mission, but not because I die in the process. It’s one where I succeed and then off myself after, with nothing left to live for. Not even attempting to is going to be my way of staying alive.

I don’t go back to our room. There’s no way I can face Simon like this. So soon. The moment I see his face, my resolve will crumble, I know it. I won’t let that happen. No choice has ever hurt more than the one I just made, but the smart part of me, the part that has hidden the tiny fact that I’m a vampire from the entire world of mages my whole life, knows it was the right one. Tomorrow I will inevitably see him, but by then my broken heart will be locked away.

For now, I need to grieve. 

 

PENNY

Agatha bursts into my room just after I’ve arrived from supper. Fortunately Trixie isn’t here, probably off visiting Keris’s dorm, so I’m alone when Agatha greets me with some  _ very  _ exciting, but also very incriminating, news.

“I figured out who Simon’s secret boyfriend is!”

I immediately abandon the homework on my bed. “No way! You found Mister Mystery?”

“It’s  _ Baz. _ ”

No. There’s no way that Simon is gay for Baz Pitch. His enemy since day one. The roommate who has tried to kill him at least once. Agatha has got something wrong.

“Nope,” I inform her. “It’s not him. Not possible.”

Now I’m just annoyed that she got me excited over nothing. I’m positively desperate to figure out Simon’s secret, mostly because it’s the only one I’ve ever known him to keep from me. It’s also an excellent puzzle.

“Yes it is! He basically told me so himself,” Agatha insists. I twitch a brow at her. She’s just willing to believe anything is a lead. “At least listen to what happened,” she pleaded. “So, I went to go talk to him, since I’m not with Simon anymore, and the two have a truce, which, by the way, is clue number one. And he was not into it, like, at all. He told me he’s gay! I don’t know of any other gay guys in the school, so it’s got to be him, right?”

I think it over for a second. I suppose it is conceivable, if improbable. But, Simon and Baz? Really?

“Okay, fine, it’s suspicious,” I admit. Agatha looks smug at this. “Not for sure. Just because they both are into boys and don’t want to kill each other at the moment doesn’t mean they’re dating. You may not know any other gay guys at the school, but that doesn’t mean they’re aren’t any. Simon did say Mister Mystery is closeted.”

Agatha scrunches her nose, displeased at being proven (mostly) wrong.

“Sure, you’ve got a point,” she says. “But Baz is definitely a possibility.” I shrug in agreement, simply because I can’t deny that with confidence.

She plops into my desk chair. “Can I stay and work on my Poli Sci?” she asks, already pulling a textbook out of her bag. She comes over often enough that she assumes I won’t say no, which I don’t. It really is nice to have someone other than Simon around sometimes.

Simon’s not at breakfast. If it were anyone but him, I wouldn’t be too worried. People sleep in. But the last time Simon missed breakfast, I later learned that he’d been kidnapped by goblins. I give him ten minutes before leaning across to Agatha, who looks ready to fall asleep.

“Simon’s not here.”

She glances at the seat next to me where Simon should be and shrugs. “Maybe he’s with Mister not so Mystery,  _ AKA Baz _ .”

I roll my eyes. “Baz was here before we were. Simon is  _ never  _ late for anything involving cherry scones. Come with me to check on him?”

Agatha groans and mutters something about staying for the hot coffee currently brewing. I roll my eyes again, a frequent occurrence when spending time with her. I guess I’ll go alone.

No one answers when I knock on Simon’s door. I call his name and here a rustle from within. Opening the door, I pray that I’m not about to walk in on him changing. I’m lucky enough not to see any nude bodies, but the sight before me is much worse.

Everything is pitch black. At first I’m so taken aback by the colour that I can’t even make out the shapes of the furniture. After struggling for a moment my eyes adjust and I start to take in the scene before me. The once-wooden floors are now a carpet of black, the only disturbances a single cleared spot in the middle of the room with prints of bare feet leading to one of the beds. In which I can see my best friend curled in.

“Simon!” 

He jerks upright and whips his head in my direction. When he sees me, his shoulders slump, like he was hoping I would be someone else.

“Si! Wha-- what happened?” I sputter. I cross the room to him as fast as I can and sit down next to him, grabbing his hands. He pulls away, leaving my fingers covered in the same blackness as the rest of the room, which seems to be soot. Simon is covered, too, though most of it is smudged, unlike the pristine dust coating everything else. His grey face has tear tracks running from his eyes to his chin, long-ago dried.

“Magic.” he says bluntly. His voice is hoarse.

“You went off.”

He shakes his head. “Not really,” is the only thing he says. When he actually meets my eyes, he sees that I’m looking for a real explanation. He whispers something quietly, but the only word I catch is  _ Baz.  _ Of course he caused this. Always Baz. I have half a mind to go back down to the dining hall immediately and start casting curses, just for having anything to do with this. Maybe he started a fire, and that’s where the soot came from?

“Simon. What did Baz do?”

A beat. Then, in a small voice, “He broke up with me.”

Merlin’s beard. Agatha was right about Baz. More importantly, he put Simon in enough turmoil by breaking up with him to make him go off. I’ve never seen an explosion of his look like this.

I don’t know what to say to that. By the bleak look in Simon’s eyes, he doesn’t want me to say anything.  **Clean as a whistle** seems an appropriate response, and as soon as I cast it, I’m nearly blinded by the simple colours of the room. I then lift Simon’s covers and cast it again to get rid of the soot he’s spread across the bed.

Now that I can recognise the room as one I’ve been to a thousand times before, I realize that we’re not on Simon’s bed, but Baz’s. Which means that Simon has been sleeping in his ex’s bed, without him, all night. Maybe not the best way to deal with a break up.

We both stay silent. I scoot closer to him and lay my head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” I tell him. I turn and look at meet his eyes, and a ghost of a smile flashes over his face. He wipes my cheek, that just came off of his shoulder, with his thumb, and it comes away dusted with grey. I quirk a brow. “How is there any left on you? You should shower.”

Finally ready to talk, Simon ignores my comment and says instead, “You don’t seem surprised.”

“Agatha was suspicious. She knew Baz was gay, so.”

“Oh.” Tears fill his eyes. “He was right. It was my fault.”

“What?”

He opens his mouth to respond, but chokes on a sob. He tries again, words so quiet they’re barely there. “He… He broke up with me because I couldn’t keep quiet about us. If I can’t do that, I’m bound to fuck up more later, so why stay together and have the heartbreak be worse then.” He looks like he believes it.

His expression fills me with rage. Aimed at Baz, for making Simon feel this way, and making him believe that he’s to blame.

“Baz is a coward.” Simon stops crying out of pure shock at my statement. “He’s a coward for not fighting for you and standing up to his classist, racist family. That’s what this about, right? The war?” He nods. My fingers clench. I’m going to fight him. I’m going to punch Baz Pitch in his stupid, cowardly face.

First, I have to deal with my mess of a best friend. I nudge him. “Really though, please shower. You’ve somehow got soot all over you still, and you stink. Then we’re going to class, then we’re making a plan.”

“I’m not going to plot against him.”

“Maybe you’re not ready to do anything Baz-related, but that won’t stop me. You, just start small. Get clean, try to have a normal day. It’ll help, I promise.” I hope Simon knows that this is me comforting him, my way of telling him that he will hurt for a while, then get over Baz. I’m not the best at consolation.

Luckily, he seems to get it. He slowly wipes his face and gets up to collect fresh clothes. He starts his path towards mending his first heartbreak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha everything is fine. why do i do this to the characters i love.  
> there will be at least 4(?) more chapters, but who knows.
> 
> also often the end-of-chapter notes form my first chapter end up under these ones? why?
> 
> Thank you all for reading my story and supporting me<3 reviews are appreciated!


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz takes some time to his self to try to get away from Simon while simultaneously thinking about nothing but Simon. This is going to take some work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An all Baz chapter for y'all. i feel like i have trouble writing anything where stuff actually happens, ya know? like its mostly a lot of thinking, and barely any action or dialogue, esp w this chapter, but i'm still p happy w it, so
> 
> it has been longer than i meant it to be since i posted, and im now realising i Promised that this chapter would be up a whole ass month ago ugh. it was already written and i just never. posted. why. Ive decided im never going to say when an update is coming next bc i jsut cant stick to them, but know that as soon as this goes up im going to at least be WRITING more chapters.

BAZ

Simon’s not at breakfast. It’s probably for the best, because even though I’ve put my walls back up and prepared for it, the sooner I see his face the sooner my resolve to ignore him will be needed. I’m not ready for a day of feeling his eyes on me.

Bunce and Wellbelove are here. Which means that Simon hasn’t had them around since I left, because they wouldn’t just leave him alone if they’d seen him. So he’s still alone in our room, and has been all night. I’ve changed my mind. I wish he had come down so I could see with my own two eyes how he’s holding up.

I’m spiralling. The point of my night in the catacombs was to rid myself of intense thoughts and emotions regarding Simon. Apparently I failed. I can’t stop imagining him alone and hurting, because I  _ know _ him, and I know he won’t just carry on. He’ll need to readjust his life to not include me in it.

I leave the school before my first class even starts and go to the closest town. It’s a Sunday, so no one will notice or try to stop me. I wander, trying to get my mind off him. The town is sleepy and quiet, the kind of place I’d like to live one day. After a few hours, my mind slows its run of dark thoughts, but I still don’t want to go back to Watford. I check into a little hotel on the edge of town, hoping my father won’t be tracking how I use the credit card he lets me take when I leave for school.

The room is warm. I sit before the fireplace to read a novel I picked up in my explorations to distract myself. When it gets dark, I go down to the bar and try to order a drink, but the bartender just looks me up and down and laughs.

“Not a chance, kid,” she says.

I go to the restaurant instead. Luckily I fed last night in the catacombs, so I’m only hungry for real, human food. Once I get back to the room, I set an early alarm for tomorrow, so I’ll get back in time for class.

The next morning is the first in months that Simon isn’t there when I wake up.

He’s not in any of our shared classes. It’s good and bad. I’m forced through the same dilemma that I had at breakfast the first day every time I walk into a room that I expect him to be in. Not that I would look at him if he were here. After two classes I realize that Bunce isn’t here either.

She’s gone to see him. She’s there to comfort him. I relax a bit. If there’s one person who knows how to take care of Simon, it’s Bunce. He’ll be okay.

But he will undoubtedly tell her everything, which almost makes me mad again, even though it’s unconfirmed. I shove the anger down. Simon will have someone, even if it’s not me, and that’s what’s important.

I skip lunch, just in case he shows up, and study in the library instead. There’s no need. He doesn’t come to afternoon classes either, and Wellbelove is gone, now, too. It seems they’ve left school grounds altogether. Does that mean he’s doing worse than I thought? Or does it mean that he just has good friends? I try to focus on the page in front of me. What it _ means _ is that I have to stop worrying about how my ex is dealing with our breakup.

Niall and Dev notice that I’m not normal, despite my efforts to keep up appearances, acting aloof and snide. They only try to ask me about it once, and shut up immediately at my glare.

Assuming my guess about Simon’s trio leaving for the day is correct, I decide to brave our room. It’s empty when I arrive, and I shower immediately just in case I don’t have much time. No one’s come in when I get out of the bathroom, but the door opens just as I’m about to sit down and finish the assigned Magickal History reading.

There stands my ex-boyfriend, wearing a brand new maroon jumper and a cold expression. He tenses when I meet his eyes. Blue to grey, we stare in silence. He looks… the same. I don’t know if I expected him to have transformed, but all I see is Simon as I’ve always known him, hiding any real emotions behind anger.

I open my mouth to say something, anything, but there’s nothing to say. I should just leave. But what good would that do? We both live here.

Simon has already changed his mind about entering the room. He turns and leaves, any conversation I could have started cut off before I begin. I walk to the door and lay a hand on the knob, considering following him, despite not yet having any ideas of what to say, but I stop when I hear muffled voices from the other side.

“You can stay with me for a bit.” I think it’s Bunce.

“What about Trixie?” It hurts to hear his voice, quiet as it is.

“Ugh. She can stay with Keris for a night or two, she won’t mind.”

Their conversation gets quieter as they make their way down the stairs. Pretty soon I can’t hear a word.

Is it better or worse to not have Simon around for a few days? Because I’m quickly realizing that things aren’t going back to the way they were-- by that I mean the times that we didn’t quite have reasons to be vicious, so we settled for glares and petty “accidents”, or simply ignored each other.

I almost wish I’d done something to make him angry at me, something big enough for him to do something Simon-stupid, like challenge me to a duel. Seeing him heartbroken is something I’ll never know how to deal with. Feuds with Simon are my bread and butter; I could almost definitely distract myself from sorrow with an old routine. Maybe it would hurt in contrast to what we were, but having anything with him right now would be better than nothing.

The next two days I dedicate to coming up with a plan for ignoring Simon. It involves more time on the pitch, even if I’m just training by myself. I will spend as much time in the library as possible, I will not go to the dining hall in between classes (Simon is always there during breaks for cherry scones and tea), and I will leave the room if he turns on the shower, because he has been known to come out shirtless afterwards, even before we were dating.

The final step is to go back to calling him Snow in my head. So far, that’s been the hardest. I can force myself to sit on the other side of the room than him, or avoid looking at him even when I know he’s looking at me, or avoid him in general, because those are my actions. But my thoughts? Making the ones that I try so hard to shake off already even more detached by calling him by his last name isn’t simple.

Every time I think  _ Snow _ I remember how much he liked it when I called him Simon, and when I slip up and do think of him as Simon, I think that he would be pleased. Which is essentially the exact same issue. It’s a lose-lose situation. But I trudge through it.

He comes back to our room after two days. Permanently, I mean. I think he skipped a class to come grab a change of clothes after the first day. Now, either Trixie wanted her room back, or Bunce did, because when I get back from practice, Snow’s there at his desk, looking like he’s trying very hard to focus. He’s definitely anticipating when I’ll get here.

Well, here I am. Simon--  _ Snow _ , I mean, whips his head towards the door when I walk in. Ten different emotions flash through his eyes before he settles on a forcibly blank stare. He blinks once and turns back to his work. I guess that’s how it’s going to be.

And it is.

As November fades into December and the first snow falls, I throw myself into schoolwork. I go everywhere where I know I won’t see Simon. (Not Simon. Where I won’t see Snow. Goddamn.)

We haven’t spoken. We make eye contact about twice a day, then both scowl and pretend we didn’t. I know not talking must be weighing on him as much as it is me, but neither of us gives in. It’s radio silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK! i think i told someone that it would be less depressing soon, but there is at least 1 more upsetting chapter before things get better. next chapter will be this, but from simons POV, parallel timing, if that makes sense
> 
> like i said, i honestly dont know at all when the next chapter will be, but it is coming!
> 
> as always, thank you for reading, and kudos & comment if you enjoyed :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos if you liked it, lemme know what you think in the comments. This is my first fic I've actually finished and posted. Thank you so so much to @loving-yous-a-bloodsport on Tumblr for beta-ing for me, y'all should check her out. New chapter sometime in the next week.


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